A March In Memory

This March has come in like a lion and is still roaring. I was initially going to write about "the March of the Parents," how my mom and step-dad drove down for a few days, and then Brian's parents came just last weekend to stay with us to see Rachel's performance as Mrs. Peterson in "Bye Bye Birdie." And then I was going to write about the Vagina Monologue performances and the five stages of VM cast bonding, but we became busy again prepping for the Bergeron family visit and Rachel's play. Before our Saturday night VM performance, Rachel and I spent the afternoon costume shopping for vintage hats and tacky garden party dresses for her character. So much fun. So much theatre! As Brian put it, when asked if he likes going to see plays, "I've spent five nights in the last seven days in a theatre. What do you think."

But between all the excitement, there has been a steady undertone of sadness and suffering. Brian's closest friend passed away on the Ides of March, ending the chapter on a valiant battle against pancreatic cancer. He would have been 62 next month. Nothing I write will be as poignant as what Brian has already written below.

Friends, If you have not already heard, I am sorry to inform you that my dear friend, Murray Kellar, passed away on Sunday, 15 March. Murray was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer this past summer and fought a good fight until last month when he finally experienced Liver failure. Murray made the choice to die at home with his family under the care of hospice. Dolly and his family were with him till the end and he was/is surrounded by love and affection. Murray was lucid and even funny at times till the last few days of his illness and was able to enjoy many visits and notes from loved ones. Dolly has asked that should anyone be inclined, to please donate to the American Cancer Society in Murray's name, in lieu of flowers. A memorial service will be held this week at the VA Chapel where he served as Director of Dental Services and Hospital Dentist, following his military career. I will try and forward the memorial service details as soon as available. Dolly is currently overwhelmed as you can imagine, but holding up well considering the circumstances. Should you wish to share condolences, written letters/cards might be most appropriate, at least until the memorial service has been held and things have settled down a bit for her and the family. Please pass the information along to anyone who might have been inadvertently missed, especially those who have retired from his USAF, VA, or Hospital Dentistry families. Thanks to all of you for being good to Murray and his family in their time of need. Please tell someone close to you that you love them; and if you can make them smile or even laugh in honor of Murray...Lord knows he did that for all of us on a regular basis.
God Bless,
Brian

*****
The memorial service was yesterday, and the chapel at the V.A. Hospital was packed wall to wall. Brian gave one of the eulogies, and in five minutes, had the entire room laughing, crying, remembering and celebrating a life well lived.

Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with his loving family.

Visit the guest book link above to get a taste of the legacy of heart and humor that we will all miss so dearly. http://www.legacy.com/sunherald/GB/GuestbookView.aspx?PersonId=125207832

Or read the comment below, Murray's response to my story in the Anchorage Daily News Paper about pre-wedding dance lessons:
(original story: http://www.adn.com/life/story/423619.html)

Battle Cry for the Bachelor
Posted: June 2, 2008 - 11:22 am
Submitted by Murray Kellar, a "Concerned Friend" of the Fiancé, (In response to 5/25 posting, FACE THE MUSIC AND LEARN TO DANCE)
I've watched enough science fiction flics to know that you are not the "Real Brian." I also know that by speaking out like this, your alien friends will be swooping down on me before I've even finished this memo. Too late Yoda. I anticipated your moves and am already gone. You'll never catch me, and I'm going to discover your weakness and hunt you down like the dogs you are for what you've done to the Real Brian. Do you think all humans are idiots? I know Brian would never take dance lessons. Brian is (was) a man and he played golf and poker and had guns and stuff... "Dance lessons"...??!! Do your homework next time, Mr. Spock, before you try to pull one over on good ole homo sapiens. I'm outta here, but you'd better be looking over your shoulders or tentacles or whatever passes for a head in your slimy world, cause me and the boys are comin' for Brian, and we'll be using the "Raid" on any of your insectoid vermin who gits in our way!!!!

Here was Murray's response when he found out his comment was posted to my blog:
Musta been a pretty slow news er "blog" day... Well let me know if you need any other good blogs. I once caughta fish and have been thinking of writing a book on fishing techniques.

Mardi Gras Mambo

Here are photos of decorations around town and from the Ocean Springs parade on February 7. The Mardi Gras party atmosphere starts here around late January. Haven't seen anyone topless. But with all the beads you collect, it sort of works as a halter top.

My brown bag says, "Hope your Tuesday is Phat, like yo Momma."





Elvis is alive!!

Who's the King of the King Cake Castle Now??

So, it's Mardi Gras season here, in full swing now with less than a week to go. I've decided to make a King Cake from scratch (not that Super Walmart's is bad--- It's great with coffee or when you're PMSing. But don't eat the green section- it's not ripe yet).

In my research, I found a recipe and while reading its reviews, came across this: From http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/reviews/Twelfth-Night-or-Kings-Cake-103104

"...Excellent. Just like I've had at Mardi Gras. A comment regarding two other comments; if you don't have experience working with yeast, or if you didn't make the recipe at all, you probably shouldn't review it. The thing I like best about Epicurious is that it is not a beginner's site. If you can't really cook, try Betty Crocker."

Oh snap!! I love when people talk trash in online recipe forums.

I'm going with this recipe: http://www.nolacuisine.com/2007/01/06/king-cake-recipe/

and will post MY comments when I'm done.

Don't Mess Wit My Valentine's Date!

On Valentine's Day, the Mississippi Coast Coliseum hosted the 2009 Blues Festival. I had been eyeing this event for months, thrilled that Brian agreed to go with me as our Valentine's Date Night.

First, the mmwb-pre-requisite back-story:
I love the Blues. I love Old School R&B. And now, here I am in Mississippi: the "Delta" ...the place where the Blues were born!, long before they were sung in Chicago... This is "Hard Time Mississisppi" where Stevie Wonder was "Living Just Enough for the City." This is the place Bessie Smith would moan about in "Mississippi Moan." This is the birth place of Muddy Waters, where he honed his Delta Blues sound before gettin' out of Dodge and bringing his music to Chi-Town to spearhead what would become the Chicago Blues Scene. I used to LIVE down the street from Buddy Guy's Blues Club, and now I'm in Mississipp'...and the only times I've heard some Live Blues since we moved here was when we were in Memphis, TN seeking refuge from Hurricane Gustav, and once when a very talented white man was playing for a not-so-diverse crowd in a Downtown Ocean Springs Bar. Like I said, the guitar player was surprisingly good. But, Man! Where are my Brotha's and my Sista's!!?

I couldn't believe that my daily interactions in Anchorage, Alaska had more diversity than my daily life in Mississippi. It was while listening to a late-night Blues program on NPR when it all hit me: I left the city of Chicago to ultimately end up here. What kind of inverted exodus have I made?!...

Cut to: 14 Feb 2009
I have seen it all AND satisfied my six-month craving for some Blues. I also found my Mississippi Brothas and Sistas. It was more of a Rhythm and Blues festival, but the Blues artists in the second half of the program held the show to its name. We saw Denise La Salle sing "Don't Mess with My Toot-Toot," a song she's been singing and strutting across the world, which also can be heard on the "Big Easy" movie soundtrack. Then, Bobby Rush (whose family moved to Chicago in the 50s-they're no fools!) came out all a-funkin' and a-hoochie-coochie-mannin' with two-big-bootied-back-up-dancers. He asked the audience to "Wave your hands in the air." But he stopped everything and said to two dudes in the front row, "Why you ain't wavin' your hands? Betchyou listen to that Snoppy Doggy A&^%$#-Sh*&^%. Without me and James Brown, Snoop Dawg would be Sh*&%.... Who do you think started Rap when Snoop was still in diapers..." And then, Bobby Rush proceeded to mock-cover Snoop Dogg/Dr. Dre with a full two minutes of hip-hop-hibby-hibby-hops, gins and juices and rip-roaring expletives. And his act was AFTER the "Sixty and Sexy" audience-participation dance contest, which was more like "shake your sub-gut maker." Once the 300 lb. contestant took the stage, the skinny hussies didn't stand a chance.

The night ended with Clarence Carter who sang his big hit, "Slip Away" and was fantastic! Brian, who agreed to rise up and dance with me a little, is fantastic, and a great sport, considering he was one of the few guys there NOT wearing a three-piece purple [or red or white] suite or a wide-brimmed hat. He was wearing a fleece pull-over and jeans. Even still, he alerted me that the Ladies were checking him out in the beverage line, for he was "Pretty fly for a white guy." I say, True Dat.

Ode to the Human Spirit: Thou Art Resilient

At a young age, we learned that the timeline of Man was divided into B.C. and A.D. (or B.C.E. and C.E. if you had Mrs. Byzeck-Sheridan for Ninth-Grade Religion class). Along the Mississippi Gulf Coast, you could say that time is divided into B.K. and A.K. "Before Katrina" and "After Katrina." This is the hurricane that we all saw ravage the Coast and flood New Orleans over Labor Day 2005. And it was awful. But the eye of the storm passed over the Louisiana and Mississippi border- a little over 40 miles west of us- dumping the worst of a hurricane's counter-clockwise fury onto every MS coastal city and town, including Ocean Springs, where we live now. One of my favorite cities, full of artists and antiques is Bay St. Louis. They were completely leveled.


I didn't fully appreciate Katrina's impact on the Gulf, outside of Louisiana until moving down here. Almost every conversation, no matter who I'm talking to or what it's about, Katrina comes up. It could be the most mundane conversation, like getting directions somewhere, or the introductory things you talk about when meeting someone new: where you live, what you do. People will often have two answers, before the storm and after. Because the world as they knew it was washed away in a 27 foot surge and had to be recreated over the last three and a half years--- which isn't THAT much time. A lot of work remains. A lot of empty slabs of concrete or a grand staircase or fireplace that leads to no where serve as memorials and reminders to how far everything has come. We have a couple empty slabs on our street, but if you drive a little further east, there are a few streets that are still leveled. These are high-end ocean-view lots, worth half a million and up, even without the house. I've whined a few times, wondering why the gorgeous beach-front along Highway 90 has no continous board-walk, no fun restaurants or bike-paths. But there's no shortage of ugly brick Waffle Houses and IHOPs. Oh, and there's a Hooter's further down in Gulfport. Then, my pottery teacher explained that these franchises are the only ones who can afford the outrageously priced property insurance. Oh.


But there is so much that has been built from nothing.

One day, when I was feeling fat (it's contagious here you know), I went for a super-long bike-ride, all the way to the bridge that connects Ocean Springs to Biloxi, crossing over the Biloxi River on one side and the Gulf of Mexico on the other. The bridge has a gorgeous pedestrian path, safely separating walkers from highway traffic, and wide enough for bikers and joggers to run and ride freely. I pushed up to the top of the incline, and then at the top, paused. It was so beautiful. And the salty sea air smelled so good, so fresh. I didn't feel fat anymore, I didn't feel frustrated or overwhelmed or homesick. Exercise is cool like that; makes you feel alive again, and puts everything else in perspective.


I was on the new Biloxi Bay Bridge, which opened April 2008. Rachel Bergeron, then 16 years old, sang at the dedication.

This was the original bridge, after Katrina:






And below in the background is the new bridge, stronger than it was before, more beautiful and better than it was before, and a testament to the spirit of this community. "Katrina" will always be a loaded word, a book-end to a life before and a life after. Until she's dethroned by the next storm. Which is a long, long time from now, and we won't talk about it (knock on wood).

If and when you come to visit, I will take you on a bike ride or a walk or a drive across the bridge. It's pretty cool.

Southern Living: Chapter 2

I hate iced tea.

Reflections on V-Day

On Super Bowl Sunday afternoon, I auditioned for a local production of "The Vagina Monologues." Sort of getting back to my theatrical roots these days.

It's being produced by the Walter Anderson Players and would show at the Mary O'Keefe Cultural Center, a public building. I've seen this production twice while at Northwestern University. In addition to being fantastic, "Monologues" has a much bigger social agenda. It benefits our local domestic violence shelter, and ten percent of the show's proceeds go towards V-Day, an organization founded by the playwright, Eve Ensler, whose aim is to end violence against women. The 2009 V-Day program is campaigning to raise awareness and end the horrific violence against women in the Democratic Republic of Congo. I just heard Eve on NPR two weeks ago; it's the stuff nightmares are made of:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=99838343. Or http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2007/08/rape-in-the-congo

The 2008 V-Day campaign honored and spotlighted Katrina Women Warriors--- doesn't get any closer to Home.

But during the audition, we were informed that there might be issues with censorship, which is not allowed as part of the royalty-free production contract, and one of the local Aldermen takes issue with the title. Is it "the"...? How about "monologues"...?

... Can't really do much if you can't get past the "V" part.

And that's when all of a sudden, I just felt dizzy. Where am I? Did I fall in a worm hole? I wanted to go back in time, to when I first saw "The Vagina Monologues." It was exciting, it was sad, it was moving, it was hilarious! There were faculty members in the cast for God's sake. I could picture the production in my mind becoming fainter and fainter, like Marty McFly's family photo in "Back to the Future." Noooooooo!

No matter what happens, I met some really cool women at the audition. And all of them were firm believers in education and awareness. One of them is a teacher. At her school, 33 students out of 1200, are pregnant--- one of them, with her second child. That's even higher than the state percentage, which is the highest [number of teenage mothers] in the nation.

Two of the women auditioning, one of them in her 70s, grew up in South Mississippi. And when THEY were growing up, no one, especially not their mothers, talked about such things. When they had their periods for the first time, they had no idea what was happening to them. They thought they were sick or dying. How TERRIFYING!

I guess we've come a long way, Baby... maybe? But the whole experience made me feel incredibly grateful for my college education and for my mom who had no problem telling me what was going on. And for both my parents, who put the fear of God in me should that little egg become fertilized prematurely.

Then, I remember the V-Day campaign for women in the Congo.

And I humbly give thanks. Every day as a woman in America is a blessing.