There Will be Stupidity

See caption under "S. Nooks" to the rght

Forget seeing Russia from Alaska. You can see walruses from here! Eat your heart out, Sarah P. Naww, I’m just messing. But Gulf Oil Spill Disaster Plans all included “walruses” on the list of wildlife affected. Maybe they meant manatees. Not everybody grew up reading Ranger Rick like we did. Nope, the plans said “walruses” because the drafting committee cut and paste the Valdez Exxon Oil Spill Disaster Plan into their own Gulf plan. Boy, I hope they remembered to change the name of the university when sending in their college applications and cover letters. But's it's done with now.

To clarify, I haven’t seen the tar balls and oil scuzz washing up on the beaches here. A lot is being caught by the Gulf Barrier Islands and LA and AL are both being hit. But the $5 deal for a dozen half-shell oysters at Mikey’s is gone!! The whole thing... I just get so mad. It breaks my heart to hear Bobby J. (La-Gov) speak of the damaged marshes that continue to soak up oil remnants every day. You can hear the heartbreak in every fisherman’s voice. There was so much easy to take for granted charm here, and I didn't appreciate "birding" and "shrimping" or "crabbing" until I lived here. Throughout generations, we’ve all had our hand in destroying the planet a little at a time. But this is a historic moment! Those poor blue-collar working stiffs of BP whose job wasn’t to reason why… how do they face their kids knowing, “Yes, my company killed Flipper, Nemo, Ariel and Sebastian, all their families and friends, and single-handedly ruined Earth.” Give me a Homer Simpson “Douhh!”

Ohh, the avarice. The humanity. At least Mother Nature just punched you in the gut and then it's over. It hurts, but eventually you can catch your breath and move on. This oil spill is like having your finger nails ripped out one at a time. And it’s still not over because oil is still oozing from the Earth’s aorta. And yes, everyone realizes that hurricane season is going to have a whole new layer of crude complexity and anxiety.

I really can’t stand people who are frustrated with the federal response. There will be complainers no matter how speedy the response is. No one likes spending money or extra work. Everyone likes a paycheck… I heard a story about how little influence or oversight Gulf fisherman had in off-shore drilling, and that if this were Alaska, Native groups collective voice would have been all over the oil rigs. They would have had a much bigger presence and pull in oversight, production regulations, and disaster response. Then, I heard another story about how Louisiana Politics and Oil have been bosom buddies since the 1800s. But facts are important, so I just did a little research myself (thanks Google) and found this article from a reliable liberal voice, Mr. Anderson Cooper. It’s the Energy Plan that was released at the end of March, three weeks before the Deep Horizons explosion. http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2010/03/31/obama-energy-plan-would-open-atlantic-and-gulf/

Based on my presumptuous and limited deductive reasoning, there is a high correlation in the lower 48 between states with a high concentration of affluent areas and areas marked “lack of support or low resource potential.” In the case of Alaska, the Aleutian Islands are the only area marked “protected” but there are still relatively small pockets that are even open to exploration compared to the potential of the whole Alaskan coastline. And that’s a big coastline. But too many groups care about preserving the land and sea. Those party-poopers. Plus, they managed to get money from the oil profits as part of the deal! No one in Mississippi or Louisiana or Alabama or Texas thought to collect a PFD check. From what I’ve learned, there was already a historical precedent of raping the land and people… oil rigs were just another link in the chain. But I still wonder if any of the Gulf communities, besides Florida, resisted off-shore drilling. Were they bought out? Could they not afford to say no to the financial gains and jobs? Natives didn't sell out the Earth for money (until we forced them to). First Peoples in the Northwest have a long-term perspective that's always been more mature than ours. We made the weather for this perfect storm of pollution, and now people are standing around wailing, “It’s raining! It’s raining!” (One of my favorite lines from a really good movie, Cold Mountain). To the “Drill Baby Drill” down the street, I want to punch you in your facebook.

Please note: I put gas in the car. I know it's important. If we're going to pillage the Earth, we must be gentle and smart. Not enough people cared to make sure BP was doing right by Mamma Nature.

How am I helping? First, Gretchen and I are going to shave off all our hair and donate it to the oil booms. Gretchen has plenty to spare. Next, I’m helping the Audubon Society next Tuesday make calls to more volunteers. It turns out, you can’t help wash off the birds (which is what I really wanted to do) until you go through a $200 training program which you pay for yourself. What gives? I thought all you needed was a bottle of Dawn and some Joe Purdy on the iPod. Lastly, a foreshadowing of sorts: Brian spilled some gas in the car last time he filled up the gas can for the lawnmower. This was in the beginning of May. So for the rest of the month, I drove to and from work and errands, listening to the news, and smelling gas--- quite a visceral experience, and yes, it does make you nauseous and cause wicked headaches, especially when the car and gas-smell are heated to 105’F. The smell is just starting to let up a little. However, I feel qualified enough to tell the Audubon, you can keep your $200 program, I’ve already paid my dues. Now, gimmie some pelicans!